A big part of how I work, whether in coaching or psychotherapy, comes from the behavioural side of CBT: the idea that our lives make the most sense when we look at what we actually do, not just what we think or feel. Over time, I started organizing my own life into categories. Nothing fancy, nothing optimized. Just an honest map of what matters to me. I check in and consider these every few months, not to chase perfection or balance, but to really see how I’m living and where my attention needs to shift.

Some of the most meaningful parts of my life have unfolded because I followed curiosity into these categories. Tennis, for example—something I’ve played and taught forever. The sport opened the door for some of my most memorable travel, and I’m proud to be one of very few to have competed in 6 and struck a ball in all 7 continents, even Antarctica. Also largely thanks to tennis, the “Friends” category has been incredibly full for me. For my 50th birthday I went on a cycling trip in Iceland with five close friends. Collectively I had over 120 years of real friendship among them—men who have shaped me, challenged me, and made my life better in ways that are still unfolding.

What I’ve learned through these check-ins is that no life is evenly lit. Some categories feel wide open, others feel cluttered or neglected, and our days can swing us from one extreme to the other. Paying attention to those contrasts (anticipating them, understanding them) has helped me enormously. It’s also shown me that areas where I’ve struggled the most are exactly the ones that respond to new choices. Categories that have been difficult for me, like Career and Partner, are now the strongest they’ve ever been. That didn’t happen by accident. It came from living actively instead of passively, turning intention into behaviour in small, real-world ways.

This is the same spirit I bring into my work with clients. Not to fix you, or to optimize you, but to help you see your life clearly, find what wants attention, and build the behaviours that support the life you want. This wheel is one of the tools I use to introduce myself, but it’s also an example of the kind of meaningful, grounding work we can explore together.